How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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