So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
