it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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