she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
