her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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