Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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