Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am mentally ready for anal.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
