dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
