No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
