'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
