I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
