I seem to have left my pride at pride
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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