that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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