Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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