Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
