Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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