What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
