I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
