I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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