Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
