i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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