My nipple is on Facebook.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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