I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
