my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
