Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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