I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
