I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
