You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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