is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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