Got a toothbrush?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize