I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
