While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
