did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
