I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
