I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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