NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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