I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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