i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
