dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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