before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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