This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize