the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
