i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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