Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
