Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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