oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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