I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
