You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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