Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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