I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
