Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
