so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
