Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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