my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
