just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
40s are totally the cure
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
