They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
