I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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