Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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