On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
