Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.