i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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