Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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(208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe. http://tfl.nu/02tv

Replies (19) Good night (3949) Bad night (1082)
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(716): View more from New York

I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

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(716): I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/nte9

Replies (24) Good night (621) Bad night (4894)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

this is something i pride myself on being below average for

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(920): this is something i pride myself on being below average for http://tfl.nu/tsy8

Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (1233)
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(770): View more from Georgia

We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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(770): We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase http://tfl.nu/nkt0

Replies (0) Good night (655) Bad night (2522)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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(303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl

Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (2351)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(724): Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours. http://tfl.nu/4ug0

Replies (1) Good night (2257) Bad night (752)
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(517): View more from Michigan

I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night

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(517): I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night http://tfl.nu/lvdh

Replies (5) Good night (1520) Bad night (584)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.

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(203): it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along. http://tfl.nu/rnt1

Replies (3) Good night (2502) Bad night (575)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?

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(201): Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries? http://tfl.nu/cmm3

Replies (10) Good night (884) Bad night (1212)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday

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(414): Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday http://tfl.nu/gou8

Replies (1) Good night (1321) Bad night (351)
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(425): View more from Washington

I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor

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(425): I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor http://tfl.nu/0wlf

Replies (0) Good night (219) Bad night (354)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.

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(306): you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/iwag

Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (158)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster

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(864): It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster http://tfl.nu/qctl

Replies (4) Good night (334) Bad night (184)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face

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(617): For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face http://tfl.nu/7t4e

Replies (5) Good night (338) Bad night (701)
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(253): View more from Washington

Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life

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(253): Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life http://tfl.nu/x3qe

Replies (1) Good night (801) Bad night (238)

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