____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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