So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?