Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?