he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.