told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
