just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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