I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
